good intentions with misplaced motives
I delayed and struggled with writing this post. Over the past week to two weeks, mixed feelings have been swirling within me like a cluster of tornadoes across Kansas’s plains. It has been very difficult to articulate any cohesive thought into a masterful arrangement with out missing the fullness of the disaster within me. If the storm within would cease for even a minute there might be enough stillness to grab the words that had been spinning around inside.
A small break in the storm has come and so here goes nothing…
What started out with good intentions has become a situation with misplaced motives. A friendship began in which I was excited about. Well as time passed and we would hang out, ever so subtlety and without my knowledge, my motives began to shift. It slowly became about an end result and not about the journey, which in turn began to leave me frustrated and somewhat depressed. What looked so promising, became a tornado ravaged countryside. With my background and knowledge, I should have known or seen this as a possible outcome if I do not check my motives at the door. Since I had blinded myself by hiding down in the storm cellar when things began to go wrong, I have felt as if I messed up and protected myself instead of braving the storm next to my neighbor or inviting him into the safe place to wait out the storm. So here I sit tonight, frustrated that my good intentions were corrupted with misplaced motives.
So where do I go from here…
After every disaster, there is a time for clean up and recovery. So I guess that is the next step and where I will find myself over the next several weeks, allowing the Holy Spirit to clean up my heart and rebuild the road for my neighbor and I to rejoin our journey together.
May we allow God to clean and rebuild us after the storm so we can continue on the journey with our neighbors toward Jesus Christ.
